The Baby Is Mine Read online

  ‘Which of you did this?’

  ‘It was her,’ said Esohe. ‘She was the one.’

  Aunty Bidemi folded her arms. ‘He is my son. In my family, we—’ At least she had saved me time by admitting it. But her voice grated on my nerves.

  ‘I couldn’t care less what they do in your family. You married into this family. You follow our rules.’

  I expected Aunty Bidemi to protest. But it was Esohe who spoke next.

  ‘See? She is mad. See how she ruined my baby’s face.’

  ‘It isn’t ruined,’ I told her. I was tired of both of them and I wanted so badly to sleep.

  ‘She had no right to do this. She had no right!’

  The baby was still crying. I did what I could do to soothe him. I rocked him gently.

  ‘Get me milk,’ I ordered.

  Aunty Bidemi left the room.

  ‘Bambi—’ Esohe began.

  I held up a warning hand. ‘Stop. I’m not interested. If you stay here you shut up.’ She sat down on the toilet seat and didn’t say another word. When Aunty Bidemi returned fifteen minutes later with his bottle, Remi was much calmer. He seemed to like it when I rocked him steadily back and forth, his small hand gripping my finger. He took the milk greedily.

  ‘I wasn’t trying to hurt him,’ mumbled Aunty Bidemi. Her hands were behind her back and I could tell she was twisting her fingers. I was almost tempted to comfort her, but when I opened my mouth, the words that came out were –

  ‘But you did.’

  I walked out of the bathroom with him still in my arms, just as the power came back on and light flooded the house. At least as much of it as the dim bungalow would allow – some of the bulbs needed to be changed. But, at least, we could see our way back to my room and I would be able to turn my air conditioner on.

  ‘Let me put him in his cot,’ Aunty Bidemi called after me. ‘I have moved it back to my room.’

  I looked down at the baby, now asleep in my arms.

  ‘He will sleep with me tonight.’

  Chapter Eleven

  I lay wide awake in the dark. I could hear Remi’s light breathing beside me. What if I rolled over and stopped him breathing? What if he rolled over and fell? I hadn’t seen him roll, but just because I hadn’t seen it, didn’t mean it couldn’t happen. It amazed me that he was able to sleep at all. The cock was crowing loud and clear into the night. But when I looked out of my window, I could not see it.

  Eventually, I gave up on the idea of sleep. I sat up slowly, so I didn’t disturb him and called my sister. She picked up just as I was about to give up.

  ‘Will you shut up?! Mummy is on the phone. Hey, Bambi, what’s up? How are you?’

  ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘You sure? You sound weird. What time is it there?’

  ‘Late.’

  She sighed. ‘I don’t know why you call and then give me one-word answers. How is Uche?’

  ‘He is ok. But I’m actually staying at the old bungalow.’

  ‘Oh! How is Aunty Bidemi? Is she doing OK? I can’t imagine what it must be like to lose your husband!’

  ‘I think she is … coping.’

  ‘Gosh! She is strong. And how is the baby? He is so handsome, isn’t he?’

  ‘Wait. You’ve seen a picture?’

  ‘Yes. Oh gosh, these children are driving me up the wall. Why did I have four of them? What was I thinking?’

  ‘Bukky, focus. You said you saw a picture of the baby.’

  ‘Yes. Aunty Bidemi sent a broadcast when she gave birth. It is really sad she couldn’t have the naming ceremony. But these are the times we are in, I guess. Soji, come say hi to your uncle. Hi, uncle Bambi!’ I rolled my eyes. She was using her baby voice now and talking for her child. It was this kind of thing that stopped me from calling more often.

  ‘Look, can you help me find that picture?’

  ‘Why? Say, hi, Uncle Bambi. Hi, Uncle Bambi.’

  ‘Just please, send it.’ I ended the call as quickly as I could and cut the line. Peace once again took over.

  I looked at Remi. He was cute. One day he would probably break a thousand hearts. I put one pillow on either side of him on the bed and then, smoothing my blazer out on the floor, I lay down on it and shut my eyes. The crowing started up again.

  Chapter Twelve

  The next morning, when I returned Remi to his mother, I was calmer. I knew she had meant him no real harm. And she clearly hadn’t given someone tribal marks before – the cuts were too shallow to leave a lasting mark on his face. In a few months, there would be no trace of them. I kept that info to myself.

  Aunty Bidemi was in the living room, and I could see that she had been crying – she kept sniffing and her face looked puffy. She took Remi from me greedily and I hardened my heart.

  ‘If,’ I told her, ‘you try something like that again—’

  ‘Bambi, I know you want to help, but I am your aunty and Remi’s mother. You cannot talk to me like that.’

  ‘Then behave like someone who has sense.’

  ‘What is the matter with you?’ She started crying again. ‘Haven’t I gone through enough without you disrespecting me on top of everything?!’

  ‘I’m just thinking of the baby.’

  ‘And I’m thinking of him too!’

  I lifted up my hands to show I was giving in, and I left her with Remi. I decided to go searching for the cock. I walked through the garden, breathing in the fresh air and the scent of rotting mangoes. I looked through bushes, wondering where a cock might hide out.

  I heard a rustling near a line of trees at the back of the house. I slipped in between the trees and found Esohe leaning calmly against a tree trunk, smoking a blunt. She raised an eyebrow and held out the blunt to me. I thought about rejecting it, but only for a moment. She was wearing a black dress that was an inch too short, and traditional beads dangled from around her long neck. I tasted her lips on the joint. We smoked in silence, but I knew the quiet could only last so long.

  ‘I know you know that baby is not her own.’

  I took another three or four puffs before I answered her. ‘I don’t know anything.’

  ‘Her womb is old. She is lucky she even got pregnant.’

  ‘Watch your mouth.’

  I took another look at her. Her eyes were red, her lips raw and I felt her body shiver beside mine. All was not well with her. She needed the blunt a hell of a lot more than I did. I gave it back to her.

  ‘Can’t you help me out, for old times’ sake?’

  ‘I don’t know you like that, Esohe.’

  Her response was to spit on the ground. ‘You are an ass.’

  ‘So I’ve heard.’

  She stormed off, and it was only when she was almost at the door that I remembered I needed to find the cock.

  ‘Hey!’ I called after her. ‘There is a chicken that keeps crowing. Where is it?’

  She didn’t bother answering me. She slammed the door behind her.

  I was alone once more. Since the cock appeared to be hiding from me, I decided to get in a half-hour of exercise. I felt the heat of the sun on my back as I lowered myself to the ground, slowly, and then lifted myself up again. It had been too long since I had taken the time to work out my muscles and I could feel the strain. Eleven, twelve, thirteen. I cleared my mind and tried to focus instead on the gentle breeze. Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two. The gravel began to dig into my hands and it quickly became painful, so I switched to star jumps. Otherwise I would have had to go into the house, but the women were in there.

  I stood up when I heard the cock crowing again. I walked around to the side passage and down the three stone steps. There it was, twerking its neck and taking itself for a stroll. I could not say why, but it felt good to see it there, walking and squawking; even though it really had no business making noise at 1:05 p.m.

  I had had no plan for when I found him. All I knew was that I wanted the crowing to stop. I would make him stop. But now, it was clear to me how p
ointless my feelings were. He was a beast bound to his nature; he could not stop even if he tried. He would not stop until he was dead.

  I went to fetch a slice of bread and broke it into little bits for the cock. It came to me without a dash of fear. It was hard to tell if this was normal, or if perhaps the fact that humans had been off the street for months had made the chicken bolder. After all, they were not known for their long memories.

  It paused its mission of informing the world of the time, to have its lunch break, and we hung out together quietly. I stuffed some of the bread into my own mouth. I wondered where the cock had come from and why it had settled here. The garden was mostly barren. The grass was not growing as it had in the past, and no one had taken the time to work out why. My grandfather had not passed on his love of plants to the rest of us.

  The cock squawked at me. I was out of bread. It squawked at me again. Our mutual peace seemed to have come to an end. It was flapping its wings at me, and I could tell it was close to attacking me so I stood up. Fair enough, our friendship had formed over food, it made sense that it would be threatened by food too.

  I went back to the house.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I wanted to check on Remi, so I knocked on Aunty Bidemi’s door and entered when she answered.

  She was sitting on a stool humming, with her breast out. It looked large and heavy, crisscrossed with raised veins. They were big enough to smother a full-grown man, let alone a baby. She made no attempt to cover herself with a cloth.

  ‘Sorry,’ I said, spinning around so that I wasn’t looking at her. ‘I didn’t know you were … I didn’t realize he was … breastfed.’

  She laughed behind me. ‘Bambi, don’t be a child.’

  I turned back to her, keeping my eyes well away from her chest area. They had been giving him milk with a bottle the whole time that I had been at the house. I hadn’t thought that she might also be breastfeeding him. But at least he was being fed. I, on the other hand, was starving. I mentioned this to Aunty Bidemi.

  ‘You know where the kitchen is, don’t you?’

  I laughed. ‘What happened to “you are a guest”?’

  ‘You can see my hands are full.’

  Aunty Bidemi was clearly still angry with me. And I could see from the stormy look on her face that she was going to be stubborn on the matter of my food. I thought about Esohe, but she was probably annoyed at me too.

  I spent the first fifteen minutes in the kitchen trying to find where everything was. The old bungalow was not ageing well. Drawers were stuck, paint was peeling from the doors, and it took a couple of tries before I could get the cooker to work.

  I took eggs from the fridge and cracked them into a bowl while I gazed out of the kitchen window. The cock was trotting about the driveway and Esohe walked into my view. I wondered whether she was going to smoke another blunt.

  I had just found the salt when I happened to glance out of the window again. Esohe was now standing in the middle of the driveway, holding the cock upside down. I dropped the eggs to the ground, and pulled the kitchen door open.

  ‘No, wait!’ I shouted, but it was too late. She had already drawn a small knife across its throat, slicing its neck wide open. She dropped the cock and we watched as its body flapped and danced about. Blood spurted from its neck, spraying the ground. It took too many moments for it to realize that it had died. I was no vegetarian, but it made me feel sick. ‘What the hell is wrong with you?’

  ‘Have you not noticed we have run out of meat in the house?’

  ‘But still …’

  ‘But still what?’ She looked at me and then slowly shook her head. The knife was still tight in her hand. ‘It was just a chicken. Grow up.’

  Chapter Fourteen

  Dinner was rice and chicken.

  I pushed the chicken about on my plate. I knew I was being childish, but it was difficult to stop.

  ‘Are you OK?’ asked Aunty Bidemi. ‘I thought you said you were hungry?’

  I looked up. Esohe had already cleared her plate. There had been no sand today, and the women had managed not to abuse each other yet, but my spirits stayed low.

  ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘Are you seriously going to be a baby over this chicken? I can throw it back up for you.’ The more you got to know her, the less attractive Esohe became. What had Uncle Folu been thinking?

  ‘That chicken was a gift,’ added Aunty Bidemi. ‘If we didn’t eat it, someone else would have eaten it.’

  ‘Well, I’m glad we are all in agreement,’ I replied.

  ‘If you don’t want to eat your chicken, give it to me,’ said Esohe, twisting her neck at me.

  Her neck was long and thin, it reminded me of the cock’s neck. Where on earth did all the food she ate go? I pushed my plate away and stood up. ‘Fine,’ I said. ‘Take it. I’m done. I’ll go check on the baby.’

  ‘No!’ said Esohe. ‘It is my turn to look after Efosa!’

  ‘You mean, Remi,’ Aunty Bidemi growled.

  ‘That is not his name. His name is Efosa.’ I stopped walking. If these women decided to attack and kill each other, I’d be the one left to clean it up. And I had seen enough blood for one day.

  Aunty Bidemi snorted, ‘That is not a Yoruba name.’

  ‘I am not Yoruba.’

  ‘What does that have to do with anything? Remi is Yoruba.’

  ‘Folu and I agreed—’

  Aunty Bidemi clapped her hands furiously as though she were killing a mosquito between them.

  ‘Don’t say his name! Don’t you dare say his name!’

  ‘I have rights!’ Esohe cried.

  ‘Rights? What rights do you have? You were just my husband’s slut!’

  At this, they both pushed back their chairs and sprang up, facing one another across the table. Esohe’s strong, capable hand gripped her fork, while Bidemi held the wine bottle like a club.

  I leant my hands on the back of a chair and said calmly, ‘Ladies, listen. I will deal with whichever one of you makes the first move. You understand?’

  Their bodies were coiled to strike one another, but they remained still. They were glancing at me, waiting to see what I would say next. ‘OK, look. This is what we are going to do: you are going to take turns looking after him until this damn lockdown ends. One of you gets him for the morning, the other for the afternoon.’ Just then the image of Aunty Bidemi gripping Remi with blood on his face, and then another of Esohe slicing the cock’s throat open, played across my mind. ‘And at night, I’ll look after him.’

  The two women lowered their weapons, placed them on the table in front of them. Then they both smirked at the same time. ‘You?’ said Aunty Bidemi. ‘Bambi, what do you know about looking after a baby? Just because you spent one short night with him, doesn’t mean—’

  ‘I’ll learn.’

  Chapter Fifteen

  The world outside my bedroom was silent. No crowing. I blew raspberries and Remi gurgled. I had fed him and changed his nappy, but he still would not sleep. I lay next to him, dangling my chain over him while he reached for it. With my free hand, I scrolled through my phone and tried to see what was happening outside the old bungalow. Nothing good. For one, Mide was dissing me on Twitter with sub-tweets –

  Never settle.

  Just because a man looks good on the outside, doesn’t mean he is good on the inside.

  Once a cheat, always a cheat.

  I liked all her tweets.

  I noticed that my sister had also tweeted a few pictures of her kids. It reminded me that she still hadn’t sent me the picture that Aunty Bidemi had sent after the baby was born. I dialled her number.

  She sounded calmer when she picked up the phone. ‘Aunty Bidemi said you are staying with her.’

  ‘I told you that myself when we spoke.’

  ‘Oh. Did you?’

  ‘Yes, I did.’ I tried not to be annoyed at her – mothers were all clearly unhinged. ‘Could you send me that picture Aunty Bidemi sent y
ou?’

  ‘What picture?’

  I held in a breath. ‘The one she sent of her baby.’

  ‘Oh, yeah. He is soooo cute.’

  ‘Excellent! Can you—’

  ‘Funso, if you don’t get back into bed right now, I swear by my father in heaven that I’ll beat you from now till kingdom come … Sorry, Bambi, you were saying?’

  ‘The picture, can you send it to me?’

  ‘What do you want it for?’

  ‘I want to … make sure the baby is hers.’

  ‘Excuse you? Who else would the baby belong to?’

  I waited a moment, and then let out a breath. ‘Uncle Folu’s girlfriend is here.’

  ‘Are you serious?’

  ‘Yup.’

  ‘Why don’t you guys chase her out?’

  ‘Because the baby might be hers.’

  She sighed. ‘You are not making sense… Bambi, are you high?’

  ‘No. I’m not high. Just send me the picture.’

  ‘Aunty Bidemi would not say the baby is hers if it wasn’t hers. She has been through a lot, Bambi. Don’t stir the pot.’

  ‘Are you going to send me the picture or not?’

  She sighed. ‘I’ll have a look for it. But you need to chill with your wild theories, OK?’

  I thought about hanging up on her, but since I needed her to do something for me, I gritted my teeth and listened to her news. She told me how their Airbnb was and how long she felt it might be before they could get back home. She had new crazy theories about the virus. She told me how she got her kids to eat their vegetables, and on and on and on. Remi had fallen asleep by the time I was able to get off the phone.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I opened my eyes. Something was wrong.

  Remi was there, his chest was rising and falling. He was safe. But someone had been in the room with us. I was fairly sure that someone had been hovering above us. Their shadow had crept into my sleep. But when I opened my eyes, they were gone.